She's a lucky Girl...

I don’t often share some of the private thoughts I carry with this adoption journey. Today I’m in the mood .We’ve tried to prepare ourselves for the longest wait possible. Now after 14 months of waiting, we are certain we are on our way to finally seeing our daughter & sister, granddaughter, niece, cousin or friend. We can’t thank you all enough for the love and support you have and continue to provide to us during this emotional journey.

One of the most common things we get said to us is “She’s a lucky girl.” There is some truth I would like to believe to this statement and we know the comment comes with nothing but heartfelt love for us and our family. Your kind words mean so much but for those who will continue to share closely in our lives when our daughter is home, we ask as you visualize sharing in her life and watching her grow you somehow keep yourselves humble to the reality of her “luck.”

We don’t know the beginning of her life story yet or if we fully ever will. We do know with what we are able to discover that it is “her” story, not ours and will remain in our family until she is old enough to decide who she will share it with. As her Mommie, my head constantly wonders. Has both her parents suffered from a serious illness and deceased? Are they sick and know they will not survive or cannot care for her? There are many more thoughts I have about why but don’t wish to write. Could I say that I would have the same strength and love for my child enough to kiss her goodbye and give her the chance a family is possibly offering her? And by the way my truthful answer to that is no! Who was the first to hold her and what did they whisper in her ear when she first entered this world? If her family is living, will we ever find out, so we can help her piece who she is and where she has come from? Either way the end result is the same. The reality that we will take her from her place of belonging, her country, her culture, everyone & everything that has given her comfort and a sense of normalcy to start a new beginning for her where she has been given no say. A new beginning for all of us as a family that we put completely in faith to guide us along.

One day at a time we will start this new beginning with another thing certain; she is our daughter. She is Kaylin and Blake’s sister and she will be one of our best friends and we will live our lives for her. We will love her, support her, encourage her and show her the blessing she is that we already see before we have even met her.

We cannot wait to see her face to face. To hold her and to share with her the love we already carry everyday. It’s amazing where love can take you. We’ll love her, you’ll love her and without a doubt she’ll love us back. But she will also have questions as she gets older and that doesn’t make her love us any less, so remember that too. There will be a day when she wonders who and what she left behind ? Where her beautiful brown eyes came from? How her soft dark skin doesn’t match the light arms that are wrapped around her and love her so much. I want to have every answer for her and know the day she stands in front of me and tells me “ Mom you don’t understand” I can offer my shoulder to cry on and my ear to listen endlessly, but she is right. There are things I will never be able to understand. There will be situations I can’t fix and as a Mom that breaks my heart for any of my children. So what do I plan to do when I scare myself with these realistic thoughts?….the same thing I tell myself I will do with each of Kaylin and Blake’s situations that have and will come. I will love them. I will do the best job I can as their Mom and ask God to take my hand from time to time to show me the way. I love my family and how it’s formed. To say I am blessed is such an understatement. There really is a lucky girl in this situation and its...ME!